I don't lie about how I am. Control freak is a mild way to put it. When it comes to things I create or organize or have done before, there's a certain way I like to do things. This is especially true if I've done things for years.
I've got my convention prep and booth down to a science, I could do Ladies Night in my sleep, art drops and galleries are second nature. I'm use to running things myself and would always rather do things than have someone else do it. Hell, I even tend to plan my own birthday parties and try to bake my own cake even when Rony and my friends yell at me not to.
This isn't a great thing and tends to lead to me having way too much on my plate. I stress. Easily. Instead of trusting other people, I feel I have to be there to make things go without a hitch or I won't be happy with it.
This particular trait is making it extremely hard to let go.
Our Spring Ladies Night this year will be my last one and I am not running it, I am being Featured Artist. My lovely friend Julie Raven will be taking it over and she is lovely and wonderful and can handle it, but I'm trying desperately to resist making checklists and prepping and doing the usual Ladies Night work. I am a guest. I am not running it. Repeat that.
Friday was our last gallery at Star Comics Downtown because Star Comics is moving. Our lovely store is combining both locations and moving to a big and brand new location further down the street after 40 Years of being there. Tomorrow is their last day at their old store and there's a lot of feelings. I am sad and happy and not sure how to deal with this change.
Change freaks me out sometimes, especially when I don't know every detail. Moving across the country is going to give me an aneurysm.
Letting go of the gallery, LAC, Ladies Night, doing one last convention next month, Star. It's a lot for me. Even though I've been preparing myself, it's difficult. I've grown so many things and learned so much and to pass that off to other people is scary. What if things crash and burn, what if they change things and the response isn't good, what if it becomes better than when I had it?
Who am I without these things?
For the past few years, I've been Sam, the artist and person in charge of ___, ___, and ___, blah blah.
Now it's just me.
This year is all about change. I looked at my calendar and realized besides Lubbock-con and Ladies Night, I don't have any events to do or run. No real deadlines, no planning, no galleries, no need to run around and try to get things done. It's weird after the chaotic rush of the Holiday season and three years of events back to back. The only things on my plate are saving money, taking care of the animals, and my online store.
Things will be fine. Or they won't. But I can't control that and I need to let go. Let the admins take control of the LAC. Let Julie run Ladies Night. Let the Officers make the decisions about GGB. It's not easy and it hurts and gives me anxiety, but I've done what I can. I started things. I kept them alive. It's other people's turn now. They'll be fine without me and I'll have to learn to be fine on my own, without the titles.
Change sucks but staying stagnant and complacent is death.
To move on to better things, you have to let go.
How are you with change? Are you a control freak too? Any tips?
We're leaving for a birthday trip to Santa Fe Friday so expect my 27 Before 27 recap soon!
-Sam <3